Author: bsusan.joe@gmail.com

  • How to befriend a crow – like my mother did

    How to befriend a crow – like my mother did

    Something strange happened this summer. My mother befriended a couple of crows and didn’t even know it. Did my mother unknowingly become an expert on how to befriend a crow?

    You see, every summer, we place a bowl or bucket of water for the birds and animals that frequent the yard. Be it squirrels, yellow-billed babblers, mynas, kingfishers, red-vented bulbuls, crows or a whole host of other birds I don’t recognise. In the past, it was the territorial bulbuls or the babblers that dominated the water bowl. But this time, two crows have taken over.

    For days, I observed the crows hanging around the trees closest to the house. One crow seemed plumper and bolder, while the other looked younger and unsure. It’s not that we have never had crows linger around, but it seemed like they were getting bolder. The birds cawed at us if the water was not filled to the brim or whenever they ‘accidentally’ knocked the bowl over. Several times, I caught them watching me from the tree and even spotted them on the washbasin outside the house.

    Like most South Indian homes, we have a basin installed outside the house, where we clean fish or chicken, basically, anything messy or stinky. In recent years, we raised the basin onto a platform and started using it more frequently. As I watched the crows, it struck me. The washbasin had suddenly become the centre of attention.

    There was another reason, too.

    Whenever my mother cleaned meat, the scraps got portioned out immediately. Some went to the dog for its service in chasing away the mosquitoes and flies bothering my mother. The cat got a share too. And no. The cat offered no help and always tried to swipe a piece of two.

    Cat eyeing a fish
    The cat mewing non-stop
    Coco hates crows but help with chores
    Coco the dog helping with chores

    The crows got the pieces that neither the cat nor the dog wanted. While we used to bury unwanted scraps in the past, these days we are less keen to dig a hole. Backaches, weak muscles, a summer-hardened ground, the heat, perpetually misplaced spade – the reasons are endless.

    But that meant the birds were getting more. And that is how my mother managed to befriend a crow. Curiously, the crows have started asking for more lately. Perched cautiously on the tap, they watch us keenly to see how fairly we distribute the scraps.

    The crows are, in reality, well-fed by our religious neighbours who set out an offering of fruits and rice for these birds every morning. And yet, the crows choose to sit on the mango tree and watch all that goes on in our house– from the fish vendor at the gate to the trips to the chicken shop, they see it all. What’s worse, they want a part of it. And I know I shouldn’t feel bad when the crows caw at me for the piece of chicken I want to give the dog, but I still feel guilty. Perhaps the crows have learnt to play tricks on my mind.

    Funnily, though, these crows have started bringing little treats for the dog. The same dog who would rush out the door if you say, “Coco, the crows are taking your food,” is now finding crab legs and fish heads under the tree. Once, we even found a piece of fried fish. The latest was a piece of jalebi that I had to pry out of the dog’s mouth.

    I try not to think of the distraught person from whom the crows have been stealing. Instead, I only wish the crows would bring us an occasional treat. It’s not too much to ask, is it? Surely there must be a way to train them. Aren’t there stories of crows gifting humans with hair ties and coins? I’d like a coin too, especially in this economy.

    But then I sometimes wonder: Was the jalebi actually meant for my mother? Did the dog beat her to it?

    My mother can’t be bothered to check, so I have to go now and look under the tree.

    While I do that, what would you do to get better treats from your friendly neighbourhood crow? Let me know in the comments.

  • The day I passed through a spider web to get to the new year

    The day I passed through a spider web to get to the new year

    Just when I thought I’d left the dramatics behind in the old year, a few silly spiders showed up – and before I knew it, I’d driven through a spider web. Thrice. I’ve had my fair share of spider drama. Have I walked through cobwebs? Yes. Have I cleaned out a web with my hair, unwittingly? Far too many times. Have I been chased by one? Also yes. But the feeling of driving through a web felt worse.

    It all unfolded last December during a stay at Eagles’ Rest, Valla. The place has everything a tourist could desire – proximity to beaches, streams, quaint little towns and shops, and scenic drives, like the Promised Land loop. And then there was Eagles Rest – a paradise of sorts in itself. No honking or screeching tyres for miles. Just bell birds and kookaburras laughing in a delightfully lush and green landscape.

    But after the incident with the spider web, I’ve come to approach any green space with a modicum of fear. Because now, green equals spider territory.

    One night, we were returning to the Eagles’ Rest property after a trip to the beach. The brightness of the stars in the sky was a stark contrast to the darkness of the night. So we strained our necks to look out the windows of the car and trace constellations, hoping to see a shooting star.

    That’s when a scream resounded from the front of the car. The car came to a halt. My sister. in panicked tones, pointed forward and repeated, “SPIDER! Roll up your window.”

    “Eh!”
    “What mumma?”
    “Why are you screaming?”

    The nieces and I did not catch on to her sense of urgency until we too looked out the windshield.

    There it was – a silky, glittering web suspended between two trees. Two rather large spiders were busy at work spinning the web further at different ends. Panic is the best word to describe what we felt in that instance. We frantically pushed and pulled the button, willing the window to close faster. And the only person who remained calm throughout all this was my sister’s husband.

    There was no way around the web. We could only drive forward, which meant driving through the web. The car moved forward, and our voices joined in a chorus of screams. And in the middle of it all, I heard a small voice saying, “Dada, you destroyed the spider’s house!”

    Just when we thought we were safe, another massive web loomed in front of us. This time, we drove on. Before we reached the house, we passed through two more webs. Scenes from Harry Potter and the scene in the forest flashed through my mind. My active imagination conjured up images of being tangled up in a web, waiting to be devoured by a giant spider. After all the holiday snacking, I’m sure we seemed like plump pieces of meat.

    The ordeal was far from over. Were the spiders stuck to the roof? Did one slide down the window? None of us wanted to be the first to open a door and find out where the spider was hiding. So we sat there arguing for a while and refused to let the only brave person step out.

    Eventually, my patience ran out. I flung the door open and bolted, leaving the others to their fate. We learnt a valuable lesson that day.

    Keep your windows up in the countryside, especially at night.

    Car parked near spider web at Valla

    But the spiders were not backing down because I learned a new lesson the next day.

    Keep your eyes open when you stroll through a garden.

    A light when it gets dark
    A light when it gets dark

    You see, to no one’s surprise, I walked into a spider web the next day. This was the score at the end of the year –

    Spider: 4
    Betty: 0

  • The season I stepped on Jacarandas and ran into trees and bees

    The season I stepped on Jacarandas and ran into trees and bees

    The months tumbled on like the clothes in my washing machine, and before I knew it, the biting winter cold gave way to a glorious spring, and, finally, a summer that feels like it might melt my face off has set in. Yet, this is my love note to spring. The colors of spring, the scents, and the emotions it evoked deserve long essays of their own. I was mostly grateful I could feel my fingers after the brutal winter. And, ah, the Jacaranda season! The landscape erupted in color as purple Jacaranda flowers bloomed everywhere. Whenever I passed by a tree, it felt like I was walking on my very own carpet of purple.

    Jacaranda flowers at The Rocks

    How could I forget the fluffy yellow flowers of the Golden Wattle? Inhaling the sweet, sticky scent of these flowers as I walked past them every day was a treat in itself.

    Despite the watery eyes and the ‘achoos’ that punctuated my day, sometimes triggered by the mere sight of the flowers and their pollen, I loved all that spring, or as I like to call it, Jacaranda season, offered. For one, I was glad that the sun was no longer setting at 4:45 pm anymore. By November, the sun began setting between seven and eight. I got more time to walk around the neighbourhood and exercise my lungs and legs. Each day, I picked a new route and enjoyed going through paved footpaths lined on each side by trees and shrubs, each trying to outdo the other in color and fragrance.

    Sure, there were times I walked into long hanging branches and spider webs. But it was alright. After all, I was being paid handsomely by the sight of flowers and the smells that spring offered. And every time I walked into a web, the reaction was the same. A frantic brushing of the face and arms and shaking of the body, followed by a throaty ‘ARGH’. Imagine my horror when someone I met later at an event recognized me from my walks! I hid at home for a week.

    The funniest incident happened on a fairly hot day. I was walking to a shop down the street. Before leaving the house, I grabbed the umbrella by the door, one that I hadn’t used since the rains stopped. The shade the umbrella provided was a relief. I was pretty smug about it until I noticed a small spider hanging by a web from the edge of my umbrella. The spider was probably harmless, and yet I could focus on nothing else. I shook the umbrella, moved it closer to the trees and bushes, but the spider hung on. It occurred to me much later that I probably looked like a crazy person as I swayed a large beige umbrella erratically, first to the left, then to the right, and back again. The yelps that followed might not have helped either.

    That evening, I switched my walking route to avoid anyone who might have seen me in the morning. It was the only time I wished for a face mask. The spider returned home with me, where I used a twig to get it off the umbrella, and watched it reluctantly move to a vine. Did the spider love my umbrella and, more importantly, living inside my house?

    In between all this, two of God’s creations became synonymous with spring for me. Magpies and bees. The magpies appeared as winter ended. I didn’t think much of them until I saw a boy riding a bicycle. He had spikes on his helmet, which turned out to be for deterring magpie attacks. Social media, the people at my lunch table, and even the local news dished out tips. From befriending the bird with morsels of meat to dark warnings of not turning your back! Now that sparked a new fear.

    To protect myself, I carried my trusted umbrella. Due to its size, doubled as a walking stick on steep hills. This fear inspired new antics. Once, I crossed a busy road twice to avoid a magpie minding its own business by the roadside. That day, I realized how Hershey, my sister’s dog, must feel when swooped by mynas.

    The bees are second in my list of honorable mentions. Well, I did expect the bees since it was spring. But the constant buzzing around my ears when I stepped out turned me into a spectacle. It’s almost like I had my own portable fan as my hands worked overtime to swat the bees away from my ears. An idea struck me – I could wear earphones! They worked superbly until the day I stepped to the side of a walkway to avoid some bees fussing around a branch. My feet came in contact with small pine cones strewn across the floor. If my guess is right, they are pine needles from Sheoak trees. I slipped and shrieked louder than I intended to, thanks to the podcast playing in my ears. Sigh, I had done it again.

    And so, that’s why I’m staying indoors this summer. At home with the air conditioning on, perfecting the art of folding an origami kangaroo. I am optimistic about it. One day I might create one that actually resembles a kangaroo. But trust me when I say, I’ve had enough of this Jacaranda season.

    Origami Kangaroo

  • Counting coins – the bane of my existence!

    Counting coins – the bane of my existence!

    I learned a basic survival skill early in life, like most of you readers. Recognizing denominations and counting coins in my home currency. And when coin sizes changed over and over, I still managed to keep up. It’s irrelevant that I suddenly forget how to count or read numbers at a checkout line.

    So, when digital payments took off in India, I embraced it. I was a woman liberated from the weight of coins.

    When travel became affordable, I found that the drama with coins went with me. You see, at the end of a two-week trip, I pulled out my fat coin purse at a restaurant. Despite feeling a modicum of shame at having accumulated pennies, dimes, and dollars en masse, I was desperate. My luggage was already on the verge of exceeding the weight limit. The last thing I needed was weight of coins that I couldn’t use back home. So, I spread the coins on the table, sorted them into piles, and looked pitifully at my friends to help me get rid of them.

    On another trip, I was paying for some medicines. I was proud of myself for having used coins when the lady at the counter pointed out that I gave her a dollar instead of a ringgit. The mortification can’t be described with words.

    In the last few months, I hit a low or high, whichever way you look at it. The collection of dollars and cents built up until my purse started to show signs of splitting open. So, I generously gave out coins to my nieces. I donated some to my sister to unlock carts. When that did not help, I left a handful at home to lessen the weight.

    On a few occasions, my sister helped me lessen the load, while laughing. Well, at least someone was having fun. From time to time, I braved the ‘imagined’ stares of fellow shoppers while paying for things. At one point I did manage to reduce the number of coins. Then I visited a local fair where a shopkeeper handed me twenty dollars worth of coins! I was again walking around with coins jingling in my purse.

    Then, one day, four months into my stay, I discovered a way out.

    Self-checkout cash counters! Counting the coins? I did not need to do that anymore.

    The coins disappeared one by one in the coin slot, and my bill reduced a cent and a dollar at a time – ah, the best feeling in the world.

    Now the coins don’t scare me. That is, until I return home and face whatever new coin the government has released that poor hapless citizens like me can’t tell apart without thick prescription glasses.

  • The dog, the birds and the spider in the corner

    The dog, the birds and the spider in the corner

    I find myself in a fascinating new season this year. One that has seen me pack a big blue suitcase and move across the ocean. I surprised myself because I always thought I related to Bilbo Baggins and his reluctance to join a Dwarf mission! But here I am. 5000 miles away from home with a 90 percent chance of running into a spider in the corner of my room!

    A part of my heart will always be at home with my beloved Coco, yet a new friend has made this transition a little less heavy. An adorable dog named Hershey.

    Dog with red collar not worried about spider

    This sweet little dog – I really mean it when I say little – barked at me for 30 minutes when we met for the first time. After exhausting himself, he realized it was easier to befriend me rather than bark at me. Now, he scolds me for leaving the house, insists I share my food, sleeps on my lap while I work, and has peed on me thrice (out of sheer excitement).

    Besides Hershey I met a few other wildlife since moving. The other day, I went out to investigate an unusual rustling sound and met the blue-tongued lizard that lives in the garden. Of course, I did not wait around long enough to see its tongue. I admit I am not that brave. It had legs, the right colours and stripes – that was more than I needed to know. A quick Google search solved the rest of the mystery.

    Speaking of wild animals, I saw a fox leaping by the side of the road during a late-night drive. That was exciting since I had only seen them in zoos before (and on my Firefox browser).

    A reckless kangaroo took me by surprise one night when it jumped out of the bushes and landed in front of the car! Phew. We did not hit the animal thanks to quick reflexes (on my sister’s part) and a high-pitched scream (apparently mine) that alerted my sister to its presence.

    I should mention the rather sizeable group of Corellas that I get to see from my window everyday. These birds own the sidewalk, trees, and power lines. And the screeching noise they make is unbelievable! But I am getting used to it now; their chattering is like white noise.

    The spiders are one species I hope to never meet during my stay here. I know I cannot avoid them forever. There will come a day when I will find one nasty looking spider in the corner. So now I always have a broom and a can of insect repellent within arm’s reach. Although, considering my track record with spiders, there is a good chance I might spray my eyes or hit myself on the head with the broom when the moment comes.

    Ah, the stories I could tell about spider encounters from my childhood! Stick around. I am working on capturing some of these stories in my upcoming book.